In my most recent post, entitled “A
Happy Family: Defined by its Size?” I have briefly discussed about number as an
aspect in a family. Talking about family, do you think our birth order defines
what kind of person you will be? That is what I’m going to talk about in this
post.
Watching the film “Four Sisters
and a Wedding”, a Filipino comedy-drama film released in the Philippines on
June 26, 2013, and internationally on July 5, 2013, made me cry. I am not
easily carried by the emotions showed in a film, particularly if it is a drama
film, but this one is totally different from the others I have watched before.
Maybe it is because I can relate so much in the story, especially with the
characters of the second and third children in the family. For me, this film is
a very family-oriented one. Showcased in here are the different personalities
of each child in a home, which actually occurs in real life. Through watching
this movie, a sentiment has been produced in my mind that is—every child is
unique; every child carries diverse personality from others.
Whenever I got scolded by my
parents, I feel so alone and depressed. Really, I don’t know why they get mad at me
easily whenever I did something wrong. But when it comes to my siblings, even
though they have committed bigger mistakes than I do, it seems to be fine with
them. My parents are bias, I thought. I keep on asking myself ever since, “Am I
adopted?” and “Am I not a part of this family?” Until now, I still crave for
the answer. One more thing I noticed within our household, that is, my parents
treat us, their children differently. I’m not certain about it, but that is how
I perceived it. By the way, I’m the second child of three in our family. I’m a
middle child.
Does birth order affect one's
personality? Does it depend on which birth order you are born? There is an
article entitled “Does birth order
affect personality?”
written by Amy Vowles. In this article, it is showed how the birth order
affects personality. It is stated there that according to Psychologist Dr.
Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are,
“your
position in your family has tremendous impact on who you are, who you marry,
and even what career you choose. Because the family dynamic changes with the
addition of each new member, every child is essentially born into a different
version of the same family. Your personality and behavior are determined by the
unique interaction that takes place between parent and child and among siblings.”
Based on Leman’s statement, our
birth order greatly affects us as a person in almost all matter. The
personality and behavior of a child depends on how his/her parents treat them
or interact with them as well as the relationship between siblings. Whether you
are first born, middle, or last born child in a family matters.
The eldest child or the first born
child in the family is treated special. Among siblings, the first born has the
longest time of being with their parents, consequently, a bond between parents
and this offspring has already been built. First time parents want
everything to be perfect for their first born. They want all the opportunity to
be experienced by their child. Every achievement of this child is always
appreciated and praised. Therefore, first born children are labeled as the
“Achievers”.
Well, it can actually be seen in our
home. My sister, being the eldest child, gets whatever she wants sooner. In
fact, all achievements she gained were highly appreciated by our parents. While
me, on the other hand, being the middle child, experiences the total opposite
my sister does.
Middle children are said to be the
total opposite of the first born. Dr. Leman stated, “The first two kids in any family are night-and-day different”.
Since these two children are considered as the opposite of each other, they
differ in many things. If the first born is academically good, then the middle
child is athletic. Though, at times, middle children feel unloved and deserted,
they act as the family’s peacekeeper or negotiator between the his siblings,
whenever a small fight is going on. The first born might be the “achievers”,
but the middle children are the sociable, people with great interpersonal
skill.
What causes a family to be happy?
It’s the youngest children who caused this. They are they jokers and comedians
of the family. Last born children tend to be more relaxed and free from big
responsibilities. Since, this child was born last, he is sure to grow up with
more experienced parents, making him extrovert and artistic. Also, these
last-born children choose a different career or path from their older siblings
to get away from competing among the siblings. An example of this is my younger
brother. He is not afraid to experiment on things and is really adventurous.
Well I can say, he is worry-free individual because all his responsibilities,
is done by us.
For those who are “only child”, they
are considered as first-born child. Of course, literally, you are the first
offspring to be born. Since they don’t have siblings to be with, they feel like
outcasts. These “only child” people feels that they are very much distant from
others. As a result, the only child acts mature and standoffish.
What I can say about that article is
that, those situations mentioned basically apply to many families, wherein the
elder children tends to be the most responsible, and the youngest are the
“worry-free” people. On the other hand, these “only child” individuals seemed
to be far away from the real life. They do not and will not experience being in
a little chaos with a sibling. As an outcome, only children tend to be more
serious and mature and distant. However, there is the middle child, who seems
to be mysterious among the siblings. The middle child is the “left-behind” of
all. He is the one who’s not showered with attention and commends, but is
playing a major role in the family, keeping everyone calm.
Another article I have read entitled
“Birth Order and
Personality”
by Jocelyn Voo from American Baby. According
to that article, a couple having their first-born child is in experimental
stage wherein they are very careful in everything, every details regarding
their first born baby.
“Simply by virtue of being a couple's first child, a
firstborn will naturally be a sort of experiment for the new parents, a mixture
of instinct and trial-and-error. Perhaps this will cause the parents to become
by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and
overly neurotic about the minutiae. This in turn may cause the child to become
a perfectionist, always striving to please his parents.” Leman
added.
In accordance to the article, being an “achiever”
or “perfectionist” of the first born did not develop due to birth order, but
rather, it develops based on how his parents treated and interact with him.
That merely builds his personality.
On the contrary, having a second child to couple
means an easier one because they have already gained knowledge and experiences
with their first born. Parents became less attentive to their second child.
This experience of the second-born child makes him less perfectionist than that
of the first-born sibling. They turned out to please others or to look pleasing
to others due to less attention given to him by their parents.
Basically, the personality –
behavior and attitude – of an individual cannot be perceived through his/ her
birth order. Whether we are born as first, middle, last or even “only child”
matters somehow. It might make you a bit terrified about the significance of
your birth order with regards to your personality and success, but it is not
the real reason behind it. Your birth order will not determine your personality
or your success. What matters the most is the parenting style used by your
parents. For parents, is your parenting style effective enough to be able to
treat your children similarly and equally? Birth order simply determines your
order as a child in a family. It is simply a number! Therefore, it cannot
totally predict what personality you are going to have.
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