THE BENEFITS OF MAY-DECEMBER RELATIONSHIP
A Research Paper Presented to
The Faculty of the English Resource Center
School of Engineering
Asia Pacific College
Magallanes, Makati
In Partial Fulfillment
of the Requirements for the Course
ERESWRT - Research Writing
Samboy Jim B. Montante
April 2014
CHAPTER
1
INTRODUCTION
A.
Background
of the Study
May-December
relationship (MDR) is the romantic involvement of two participants, whereas
their ages are significantly different from each other. May-December
relationship also called as age gap relationship or intergenerational
relationship is happening and is actively occurring in our society. However,
its occurrence makes people’s eyebrows raise.
May-December
relationships happen. In an article written by Dr. J.R. Bruns, M.D., called,
“The May-December Romance”, there is an actual example there of a MDR and that
is Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris. Hugh Hefner is known to be a “notorious sex
hound”. According to that article, “Playboy
magazine founder Hugh Hefner, 84, recently announced on Twitter his engagement
to 23-year-old Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris.” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201101/the-may-december-romance)
Kathryn Vercillo also
wrote an entry called, “The May-December Romance.” This entry defined the gist
of May-December relationship. It talked about the presence of MDRs in the
society and how people accept it. MDRs has no age requirements and has not set
limits. Thus, this is what makes people look at MDRs as a bad thing.
According to Vercillo,
“When someone speaks about the
"May-December Romance", they're referring to a romantic relationship
in which one partner is considerably older than the other partner. This is no
specific age gap which meets the requirements of the May-December Romance. It's
merely a general term which applies to relationships which have a wide enough
age gap to cause people in a society to raise their eyebrows at the
relationship. This can vary significantly from culture to culture so there's no
cut-and-dry rule when it comes to defining this kind of relationship.” (http://kathrynvercillo.hubpages.com/hub/The-May-December-Romance)
People discriminate against
May-December relationships. Though it has been one of the relationships
circulating in the society, MDRs still have not been fully accepted by all
unlike the other forms of relationships, since it is seen by some people as
taboo. People look at it as a nasty and disgusting relationship. MDRs are
commonly perceived by people in the wrong way and they always think about it
negatively.
Erica Mark wrote an
article entitled, “Are May December Relationships a Taboo?” Mark mentioned in
this article that MDRs are not yet fully welcomed in our society. It contains
the common misconception regarding MDRs. Both parties engaged in MDR know that
they are in it for their personal advances. On the other hand, this article
broke the thought of MDRs as taboo because as the author has mentioned, it
should not be treated as one. MDRs, being thought as a taboo is really
impossible since, like what is mentioned above, it is happening in our society
and many people are engaging in it.
According to Mark, “However, there is more to May December
relationships than just good ol’ love, and this is the reason why many look at
these relationships with belligerence. It is well-known that rich, successful
men, who are on the wrong side of age, don’t mind splurging some dough to have a
sexy young woman by their side. Young women, on the other hand, don’t mind
dating older men. The relationship is based on the mutual needs wherein the
young woman depends on his older partner for sustenance.” (http://joliet.patch.com/groups/its-all-about-love-and-relationships/p/are-may-december-relationships-a-taboo)
Some people think that MDRs are inappropriate. In the
first place, it is because they came from different generations. Therefore,
they are in the different stages of their lives. People say that having been
from a different generation, it is impossible for these people to have
something in common between the two of them. The fact that the couple came from
diverse generation and are in different stages of their life, it is presumable
that their wants and needs will not meet; they would have disparity in terms of
priorities in life as well as their lifestyle.
Shehzad Rafi wrote an article called “The Pros and Cons of a
May-December Love Affair” In this article, Rafi mentioned that there are only
few reason why a MDR is belittled by the society. These reasons include the
difference in stage of life they are at and the discrepancy between their wants
and needs.
According to Rafi, “As we try to
analyse it, there are only a few reasons why the society looks down to the
May-December affairs. When one is much older than the other in the
relationship, there would always be some instances that their likes and
dislikes don’t meet up.” (http://abcthesis.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-pros-and-cons-of-may-december-love.html?detail=yes)
Some
people think that these people get into MDRs for wrong reasons due to their
misconceptions and negative perception about it. This includes money—which is a
common factor in any relationship, as well as pleasure. They always think that women involved in this
type of relationship are gold diggers. These women are already looked down by
people who doesn’t even know their names but is negatively judging them based
on the kind of relationship they are engaged in. On the men’s part, they are
also judged that they are using young women to satisfy their lust and to
pleasure themselves.
Robbie
Dillon wrote an article entitled, “Defending a May-December relationship from
the critics.” In this article, there are myths concerning MDRs are included.
Because of the misconceptions about MDRs, women engaged in this relationship
are often labelled as gold diggers, and men, on the other hand, are called
perverts as how the society think they are, since most of the time, they are
only after the pleasure young women can provide them. Women are belittled and
disrepute by the society just because of the negative perception of people
about MDRs. Another misconception about MDRs is that, this kind of relationship
will not last. Many people presume that May-December relationship is merely a
short-term love affair. They think that MDR is not a healthy relationship.
Since, they are of different generations, there is a big chance of
misunderstandings which may result to ending up their relationship.
According
to Dillon, “Trust me, as you get older,
sex drops further and further down your list of relationship priorities. Things
like friendship, intimacy and good conversation become a lot more important,
which is probably a big part of the attraction for girls who are fed up with
guys talking to their breasts.” (http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/older-man-younger-woman-myths/story-fnet0gly-1226520980583)
Since
MDRs have been common to our society nowadays, the social order is being
disrupted. May-December relationships are detrimental to our society. Focusing
on the older man-younger woman relationship, it will result to lack of young
women for young men, who are supposed to be the lovers. If it happens, lacking
of women will be a problem and will result to social order disruption.
Dr.
J.R. Bruns, M.D., wrote an entry entitled, “The May-December
Romance.” Stated in this article that according to George Gilder’s observation,
when a man left his wife after her child-bearing peak, and find another woman,
who is a lot younger than his first wife is, a disruption in the social order
will take place. Simply because there no one left for an older woman and younger
man to be their life partner.
It is also included in the article, Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project found that many younger women
are unwilling to marry less successful men their age. It is due to lack of
stability of these young men. They are not yet financially and emotionally
stable to be in a steady relationship. For this reason, young men tend to have
less number of women to choose from to be their potential life partner.
According to Wilcox, “With both of
these trends, younger men (who should be marrying and having children who will
one day support the social welfare net with their pay checks) are on the losing
end.” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201101/the-may-december-romance)
In addition to that, a
statement by George Gilder, chair of Discovery Institute’s Center on Wealth,
Poverty, and Morality, “when you have older men (median age 40) abandoning their
older wives once they are past their peak child-bearing years and remarrying
younger second wives (median age 30), there is a major rupture of the social
system, as older women and younger men end up single.”
May-December
relationship is happening in our society. However, some people discriminates
against MDRs because they think that it is inappropriate and people get in this
kind of relationship for wrong reasons. These people think that a May- December
relationship is not a good relationship. However, in contrary to common belief
and despite of the misconception of people about May-December relationships,
the researcher observes that there are multiple benefits a May-December
relationship can provide to both participants.
The
information in this paper is important because it will change the reader’s
negative perception about MDRs. In addition, it will make the reader more
tolerant of people they know who are engaged in MDRs.
The
purpose of this study is to explain the benefits of a May-December
relationship.
B.
Statement
of the Problem
This study aims to study the
question:
1.
What are the benefits of a
May-December relationship?
C.
Significance
of the Study
Young Women. This
study will uphold young women’s decent stand and will empower them to prove and
defend themselves that there is no harm and it is not a wrong act to be in a
relationship with an older lover. This will help young women committed in a
May-December relationship in a way that they will not be belittled in the
society, instead they will become an inspiration to other people to love
regardless of age. Moreover, a woman whose lover is an older man, can be
benefitted from their relationship.
Old Men. Knowledge
about this study will help old men realize that younger women do not choose
them to be their life mate for the reason of financial stability and other
materialistic act. Men should understand that young women tend to look for an
older partner for a strong, mature relationship. With this paper, old men, who
only want a younger women for pleasure, will understand that women should be
loved and not a toy to be played. This will also help them see the brighter
side of being committed in a May-December love affair and the benefits they
will be getting from each other.
People against
May-December Relationship. With this study, people against
May-December relationship will be enlightened about the true essence of this
kind of relationship. This study will change their negative perceptions about
May-December relationship. Through this, people will understand the reasons why
this type of relationship happens and it will open their eyes with regard to
the benefits of being in a May-December relationship. It may help people be
more tolerant of people they know who are in this kind of relationship. This
study will prove that even though there are people against MDRs, they can also
be in this type of relationship in the future and might as well can be used as
a reference if they do enter in a May-December relationship.
Future Researchers. This
research paper would be of great help to future researchers and they will
actually benefit from this study especially if it is relevant or connected with
their own research. This paper could be used as a reference or as a source for
their study. While doing their paper, they might be able to make use of the
information presented in this research paper and improve it in their study.
D.
Scope and Delimitation
This study is focused on the benefits people can
gain from a May-December relationship.
Due to limited time given to conduct this research,
this study will only be discussing the advantages of being in a May-December
relationship and will not be tackling any further about the comparison between
the different types of relationships occurring in the society. As much the researcher wants to include the
psychological effect of a May-December relationship to other people’s attitude
towards this kind of relationship, it will not be discussed anymore due to lack
of information, and moreover, because of a limited time given.
Through this, the benefits that can be gained from
a May-December relationship will be highlighted and stressed. For that reason,
even though only given a minimal time for this research to be conducted, the
researcher has comprehensively did this paper and find information that is best
needed to support this study and bring out the best result, and a research
paper that would be useful to many people.
E. Materials
and Methods
In this research, the researcher gathered data in
order to explain the benefits that can be gained from a May-December
relationship. This explanation will help people against this kind of
relationship understand why such relationship is beneficial to people engaged
in it.
The materials used by the researcher to gather the
information are through online articles, journals, and related studies
appropriate to the research’s topic. The data gathered will be presented in a
comprehensive way by connecting the ideas and facts from the sources.
F. Definition of Terms
Gold-digger. A
woman who becomes or tries to become romantically involved with a rich man in
order to get money and gifts from him. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gold%20digger)
May-December
Relationship (MDR). A relationship between two people where
one partner is in the "winter" of their life (old) and the other
partner in the relationship is in the "spring" of their life (young).
This can go either way such as the woman is older or the man is older. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=May-December%20relationship)
Misconception. A
view or opinion that is incorrect because it is based on faulty thinking or
understanding. (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/misconception)
Perception. (a)The
way you think about or understand someone or something; (b) the ability to
understand or notice something easily; (c) The way that you notice or
understand something using one of your senses. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perception)
Social Norms. Rule
or standard of behaviour shared by members of a social group. Norms may be
internalized-i.e., incorporated within the individual so that there is
conformity without external rewards or punishments, or they may be enforced by
positive or negative sanctions from without. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/social+norm)
Social Order. The
totality of structured human interrelationships in a society or a part of it. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/social%20order)
Taboo. A
norm that society holds so strongly that violating it results in extreme disgust.
Often times the violator of the taboo is considered unfit to live in that
society. (http://sociology.about.com/b/2012/07/18/sociological-definition-of-the-week-taboo.htm)
CHAPTER
2
DISCUSSION
What
are the benefits of a May-December relationship?
Definition of
May-December Relationship
May-December
Relationship when defined as a term, according to the Webster's New World
College Dictionary, means, “of or
designating a marriage or romantic relationship between a young person and a
person who is considerably older”. (http://www.yourdictionary.com/may-december)
Yet May-December
relationship is a type of relationship which receives a lot of negativity from
people who are against it.
A more comprehensive
definition of May-December Relationship, which according to the Urban
Dictionary, “refers to a relationship
between two people where one partner is in the "winter" of their life
(old) and the other partner in the relationship is in the "spring" of
their life (young). This can go either way such as the woman is older or the
man is older. Being a nonspecific term, it encompasses the concept of slang
words like cougar or lech (which is offensive if used on couples who are
serious). This term is also tied to concepts such as "robbing the
cradle."”. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=may%20december%20relationship)
To highlight the term
May-December relationship, also called age gap relationship or
intergenerational relationship, it is a relationship which is actively
occurring in our society and is highly participated by two parties who has a
significant difference between their ages.
May-December
relationship is a type of relationship which is not fully accepted by people.
It is a relationship which receives a lot of negative comments from people
against it. People draw numerous misconceptions and negative perceptions
regarding MDRs. People engaged in a MDR are usually bad-mouthed by other people
who find this relationship inappropriate.
Later on this paper,
facts about May-December relationship will be presented by the researcher to
change people’s misconceptions and negative perceptions about it and to provide
the readers the benefits of a May-December relationship.
Benefits
of May-December Relationship (MDR)
May-December
relationship, though often seen by people as an inappropriate relationship and
commonly earn a lot of misconceptions, has its benefits like any other
relationships do. Because people are so particular about the negative side of a
certain idea like MDR, they are not able see the brighter side of being in a
May-December relationship. In a MDR, both women and men are benefitted in many
ways.
A.
Benefits
of MDR to Old Men
1.
Health
Being in a May-December
relationship, old men surely have their own reasons for getting in it. The good
news to old men about May-December relationship is that they can actually be
benefitted from it. The best benefit they can gain from a MDR they are in is
the longer life. Being together with a younger partner can help them live
longer.
Murray Wardrop wrote an article entitled, “Men
'live longer' if they marry a younger woman”. According to this article, men
who are marrying women younger than they are, can reduce the risk of an early
death from seven to nine years based on the study conducted at Germany's Max
Planck Institute.
According to Wardrop’s
article, “A man's chances of dying early
are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior. The
risk of premature death is reduced by 11 per cent if they marry a woman seven
to nine years younger. Scientists say
the figures for men may be the result of natural selection – that only the
healthiest, most successful older men are able to attract younger mates.” (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/5426895/Men-live-longer-if-they-marry-a-younger-woman.html#disqus_thread)
In the same article,
Sven Drefahl, the Germany;s Max Planck Insititute spokesman said in a
statement, “Another theory is that a
younger woman will care for a man better and therefore he will live longer.”
Aside from living
longer, there are more benefits a May-December relationship can offer to old
men. Being physically active can also be achieved by old men if they are in
relationship with a younger woman. A woman’s youthful behaviors may be adapted
by their old partners, thus making them also feel young.
Olivia Emisar wrote an
article entitled, “Benefits of Dating a Younger Woman Dating Younger Women
Younger Women Dating Older Men”. In this article, Emisar discussed about the
different benefits a May-December relationship can provide old men. These
benefits include health, intimacy, and social life.
Young women, being
self-conscious are more likely to keep themselves fit and beautifully-looking.
With this, they can affect their old partner’s perspective about this aspect
thus, keeping the old man’s health in good state. In that article, Emisar said,
“Older men who date younger
women may see their stress levels and blood pressure hit their optimum levels
while enjoying a more positive outlook on life”. (http://www.relating360.com/index.php/benefits-of-dating-a-younger-woman-dating-younger-women-younger-women-dating-older-men-12404/)
2.
Sex
and Intimacy
Whether we admit it or not, sex
is one of the prime motive of old men to choose a younger woman. It is men’s
natural necessity. Though, sex is being used as the number one reason for
misconceptions about May-December relationships, it still an aspect wherein
older men are benefitted of. Younger women can make older men’s sex life
adventurous and exciting, again.
In the same article, according
to Emisar, “A younger woman’s libido may
be a better match for the man since a younger woman may be more willing to
explore fantasies and making them a reality.
Younger woman may shy away from routine and be more open to new ideas”.
3.
Social
Life
Old men will learn a lot from
their young partners with regard to modern stuff like technology and other
trendy ideas, which most probably, he is not aware of. Like his social life, it
will be enrich by going with his young partner, together with her friends, this
will surely give old men the opportunity to acquire a youthful perspective
about life.
Also in that article, Emisar
said, “Feeling young is
sometimes dependent on the people we surround ourselves with. Younger people can make us feel relevant,
knowledgeable and part of the fiber of life.
Younger people can enrich our lives by filling them with hope,
excitement and the promise of what is possible”.
4.
Self-confidence
Lastly, old men can be
benefitted through increasing his self-confidence. In the same article, Emisar
said, “Dating a younger woman seems to
increase men’s self-confidence. They
tend to carry themselves a little straighter while oozing masculinity and
confidence”.
Despite people saying
that May-December relationship is an unhealthy relationship, it is literally
healthy. Benefits from MDR which old men can gain are really helpful to be able
to keep their live at good state. This way, they were able to be with the
person they desire, at the same time they were able to keep themselves healthy
and renewed. This only proves that May-December relationships can benefit old
men in many ways.
B.
Benefits
of MDR to Young Women
May-December
relationship has a lot to offer to old men but there is a lot more benefits for
young women to obtain from being in a MDR. Though what the society dictates is
a young woman for a young man, there is no harm of being in a relationship with
an older one. In fact, there numerous benefits older men can provide younger
women compared to the younger men can do.
1.
Financial
Security
Though this is what
makes May-December relationship so controversial, it is really a great benefit
young women can gain from an older partner.
As it is mentioned earlier, the healthiest and most successful man are
able to attract younger mates, definitely the old men can really provide women
a better future because of the financial security they can offer, which the
younger men cannot.
Timothy Scheiman wrote
an article called, “Try Dating Older Men - They Have A Lot to Offer” which
provides some of the many benefits a young woman can gain if she is in a MDR.
According
to Scheiman, “Not always but older men
tend to be more secure financially. They have just had a longer time to work on
it. Older men usually have a better work ethic than some younger men.” (http://voices.yahoo.com/try-dating-older-men-they-lot-offer-481261.html?cat=41)
2.
Matured
Relationship
Most of the time women
seem to be more mature than men. However, we all know that the older you are,
the more experiences you have. Therefore, the older your partner, the more
knowledgeable and experienced he is. He has already gone through different experiences
in life; good or bad. Older men are matured enough in their actions and
decisions, as well as in relationships.
There is an article in thetruthfulman.wordpress.com
entitled, “Benefits to Dating an Older Guy”. In this article, maturity is
included and highlighted here is the talk about family. It is stated in this
article that women are more matured than men, and old men are also mature. In
some ways, the two parties might have a common goal. Having a family is a big
idea to look forward in such relationship and that is the essence of having an
older man a partner, he is ready enough to build his own family. Unlike the
younger man, an older one is more capable of being a father to suture children.
According to this
article, “when you find an older man, you
are finding someone who just might be your equal in maturity. You both might
have similar goals in the relationship, and by that time in a man’s life he’s
probably got similar goals as far as a family goes too. Your pretty boy college
boyfriend might not want kids because he’s afraid it’ll cut into his fun with
his buddies, while an older man is ready for kids and could actually end up
being a father who actually participates in raising the kids.” (http://thetruthfulman.wordpress.com/2009/04/16/benefits-to-dating-an-older-guy/)
3.
Mapped
Future
Since older men are already
matured, their goals in life comes along with it. It is very beneficial to a
younger woman because the man she in relationship with has a goal in life. This
is a certainty that the younger woman’s future is secured.
Grace Angel wrote an
entry called, “Benefits to Dating an Older Man”. This article mainly talks
about, like the other articles, the benefits of being in a MDR to younger
women. It is said in this article that women’s future are secured with an older
men because these men are has his wants and goals in life that he wanted to
achieve.
According to Angel, “Older men also have a clear idea of what
they want in life. This is very beneficial to a younger woman because the man
she is with has clear career and family goals lined up. Men over the age of
thirty are statistically almost fifty percent less likely to leave their
marriage and children. This is very beneficial for any woman younger than he is
because she will have the security of knowing that he is around to stay for
good.” (http://www.relating360.com/index.php/benefits-to-dating-an-older-man-3-13687/)
4.
Responsible
What most women tend to
look for in their potential life partner is the characteristic of being a
responsible guy, and that is older men have as an advantage. Since older men,
as it is mentioned earlier, are matured enough in decisions and actions, then
we can say that they are responsible.
In the same article,
Angel said, “Older men are less to likely
party or drink because they already have their party days behind them. This
makes men older than the woman they date seem more responsible. Responsibility
is a major turn on for most women. Women need the emotional and mental security
of a guy who is stable enough not to party every night and be there for his
family.”
Being with an older
partner, women’s future is sure to be in good hands. They are financially
guaranteed to be secured, they will not get hurt because older partners are
more responsible with their actions, as well as decisions. With this in mind,
younger women will be comfortable ending up with an older life partner. Talking
about money, it is not really a big deal if the old man you are dating is rich
enough and capable of providing the younger woman’s needs. Despite of the fact
that women in such relationship is usually belittled because of the capability
of the older man to provide, being with an older men is really beneficial in
many ways, from financially to emotionally.
CHAPTER
3
SUMMARY,
CONCLUSION, AND RECOMMENDATIONS
SUMMARY
This paper attempted to
discover and explain the benefits of a May-December relationship.
The research design
used in this study is the descriptive method wherein data from documents, articles,
and other research papers found in the internet were used to answer the
research question posed. These are the findings resulted from the research:
1.
May-December relationships are
discriminated by people who are unaware of its beneficial contributions to both
participants. But there are actually benefits that a May-December relationship
can offer that normal relationships cannot provide.
2.
Old men are not after the pleasure
and sex that younger women can give. Instead, they are after the youthful presence
of their partners that make them feel young as well and the new experiences and
ideas young women can give.
3.
Younger women are not directly
eyeing older men just for money. These women are looking for a life partner who
are matured enough to handle a serious relationship and a man who can provide a
good future for her. Younger women are after a man who is responsible enough in
his decisions and actions and the one who has a certain goal in life.
CONCLUSION
Based on the findings
of this study, the following conclusions are drawn:
1.
May-December relationship is the
relationship between two people who has a significant difference in age which
results to misconceptions and negative perceptions of other people.
2.
May-December relationships, despite
of the misconceptions and negative perceptions about it, have many benefits to
provide to both participants involve in it.
3.
Older men benefit from May-December
relationships in many ways, namely: health –offers a longer life to live, sex
and intimacy, improving social life, and boosting self-confidence.
4.
Young women are showered with
benefits from a May-December relationship in terms of financial security,
matured relationship, secured future, and partner’s responsibility.
RECOMMENDATIONS
After drawing the conclusions
of the study, the researcher hereby make the following
suggestions/recommendations:
1.
Old men should choose younger
partners because it will really be beneficial for them in many ways.
2.
Young women should be careful in
choosing their partners in life; for they do not know if their partner’s
intention to them is good or not. Do not be blinded by the benefits,
specifically money, old men can provide.
3.
Both old men and young women,
specifically those who are looking for someone to be their life partner, should
choose the person they really want to be with regardless of their age and
status. They should choose partners to whom they will be benefitted and at the
same time, beneficial.
4.
Both old men and young women should
do something to change other people’s misconception about them when they are in
a May-December relationship.
5.
Scholars and future researchers
should design a research that will help people be more open about accepting new
ideas like May-December relationship. The researcher recommends to future
researchers to study deeper about the different benefits a May-December
relationship can give. Use this study as a basis for a more concrete study in
the future relevant to the same topic as this study.
References:
A.
Electronic
Media
Angel, G. (2010, April 29). Benefits to Dating an
Older Man. Retrieved from Relating 360:
http://www.relating360.com/index.php/benefits-to-dating-an-older-man-3-13687/
Benefits to Dating an Older Guy. (n.d.). Retrieved
from thetruthfulman: http://thetruthfulman.wordpress.com/2009/04/16/benefits-to-dating-an-older-guy/
Bruns, D. J. (2011, January 6). The May-December
Romance. Retrieved from Psychology Today:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201101/the-may-december-romance
Crossman, A. (2012, July 18). Sociological
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